But after a long period of NOT dating, NOT being sexually active, I came to see I was thinking, and sometimes behaving, from a famine mentality.
Part of it was that after being dormant so long, my sexual desire seemed to explode from a feeble ember to a raging forest fire. I'm learning how to "bank it," so that my desire isn't nearly extinguished, nor am I consumed by lust 24/7.
I also realized, and had to laugh at myself, that part of me was afraid that if I didn't grab and appreciate every penis that's waved in front of me (figuratively or literally), they would all go away.
Which is ridiculous, I know.
I live in a city of 3 million people, half of whom are male. Odds are pretty good that if I just want sex, I can prolly find a peen to ride. But it is also likely that I can find what I really want, which is long-term partners, plural, with whom I can be physically and emotionally intimate, safe, and stimulated intellectually as well as sexually.
I don't have to frantically snatch up the next peen that raises its head. I can be selective (working on it), as well as practicing safe(r) sex.
If he won't wrap it, he don't tap it.
The whole thing is a wonderful learning and growing experience - not to mention, excellent research for my novels!
Some Lessons I've Learned:
- Yes, it all still works. Yay!
- No, men really DON'T care if you've shaved your legs or gotten a fresh pedicure.
- Because somebody matches me 90%+ on OKCupid, does not mean he is a nice person.
- Because somebody shares similar interests or is in the same groups as me, does not mean he is a nice person.
- I don't need to knock myself out to meet the needs of men who are not nice. Or even men who ARE nice, but are focused on a kink or desire I don't share. "No, thank you" is a complete sentence. In fact, "No" is a complete sentence.
- A man who talks sincerely, knowledgeably, and passionately about feminism and rape culture is a HUGE turn-on. HUGE.
- It is okay to steer clear of people for no reason at all besides not liking their vibe.
- I REALLY need to buy sexy new underwear, but most men don't care about my ginormous granny panties, as long as I am willing to take 'em off.
- I want more physical, non-sexual contact with women: more hugs, cuddles, caresses. And now I have a way to get them, yay!
- It's important to keep taking inventory of myself: Do I like this? Am I comfortable? Do I want something different? and to ASK for what I want, not assume someone else will magically figure it out.
But damn, it sure is sweet when he does.
Also, Metamour. Literally, meta = with; about + amor = love. The partner of one's partner, with whom one does not share a direct sexual or loving relationship.
I now have an awesome metamour, just sayin'. And although I have been on this journey primarily to meet romantic sexual partners, I have been meeting a number of wonderful new female friends, both in person, and on FaceBook. Total win.
And in Other Pussy News
Kittens are getting along great.
|Creativity, on the left, Motivation on the right.|
Mojo is still a little rough with Tivvy - and I think sometimes she dramatizes her cries, but she has grown tremendously in the weeks since I've had her. They keep me entertained and cheerful, during the times I am not kicking them out of the bedroom.
Have you ever dated after a long dry spell?
Did you have trouble reining in your desire, or having a famine mentality?
If so, got any tips?